How incredibly beautiful is the fact that we are able to establish an intimate relationship with another being, to unify two bodies, to enter into someone’s universe and realize it is your home, too?
To be challenged every day by your sameness and by your difference. To fall in love, not with the other person, but with your very own flaws and beauty. Love is undeniable, the most magical and wondrous thing in this universe. And to call it a “thing” seems unworthy for this vast state, emotion, feeling, decision, investment, action, believing. Love is self-work, love is creation, love is undefinable.
And though we developed the strangest concepts and ideas around love, in its core it still continues to be pure. Here are the 3 most common ideas about love, which are of course, completely wrong:
1) My Prince on the White Horse
I need to be rescued by someone other than myself. What a nice and above all super easy idea isn’t it? Nice to know that one day, someone will come to solve all my problems, protect me from all evil and finally make me happy.
Why does it seem so much easier for us to outsource our own faith?
Because that means we don’t need to be responsible for our own actions, thoughts and emotions. If we are constantly in a state of waiting for life to finally be ok, we will wait forever. Because no one outside of us can heal our wounds, realize our dreams or make us finally love and accept ourselves. This is just an idea that Disney created in our head to make us completely helpless and a victim of society. Think about it, if you don’t have the power to create, change and control your own life — who does?
2) My One and Only
I am his/her one and only. The strange concept of calling some other person “mine” makes us take ownership of another life. We get so attached that we start to depend on the happiness of someone outside of us. Emotions like jealousy, fear of being left alone and the urge to take control are created.
If you need to have control of another life, you will easily forget your own.
And because we cling to this idea of being each other’s one and only, we stop being ourselves. You start to change your behaviours, habits and ignore your intuition and needs — all because you want to make yourself perfect for the other person. And within all of that confusion, we totally forget that real love is actually created out of accepting your partner without condition and being a positive inspiration for his life as a companion, rather than an owner. So it is crucial to follow the so-called Order of the Universe – first comes you, then the partnership and at last creating a family.
3) The Happy Ever After
Funny enough, all Disney and Hollywood romance movies always end when real love actually just starts to appear. “And they lived happily ever after” is just an excuse not to invest more into the relationship. When 2 people find together, the real work begins. Conscious practices like tantra can help you and your partner to evolve in your relationship, because:
Love is a construction, something that develops with time, strong will and a lot of self-work.
Because your partner is your mirror, your biggest challenge and your greatest teacher. He will reflect all your insecurities, doubts and fears back at you — that is what makes a relationship so god damn beautiful — the constant opportunity to change yourself for the better. So I suggest looking forward to all the daily challenges, unnecessary discussions and insecure moments — they are all part of a wonderful construction 2 people are building together.
➡ If you are interested in the topic of relationships, check my article on How you don’t lose yourself in a relationship.
Check out this video on 3 ideas about love that are completely wrong:
Thank you for appreciating my art!